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Chapter 27

 Come Again



I had a vision today. I saw Jesus walking the Earth.
          It was an awesome sight my friend, marvellous and majestic far and wide and beyond all and everything. In His very presence He defied logic, because He was so huge He appeared to be able to walk across all of the earth in like seven steps and yet He wasn't that tall, He seemed more like an ordinary man times three or so in height. Or maybe He wasn't that tall either, maybe He just gave that impression because of His immense presence? I don't know, He just had a hugeness about Him elusive to description. And He radiated a love vast and high, spacious and all-reaching, yes, all about Him glowed with a luminous splendour I can't even begin to narrate. As He walked by all the people around, near and far, fell down on their knees, floods of tears poured down their faces, and they stretched out their hands towards Him in ecstasy. I noticed though the majority didn't kneel before Him out of worship, no, most of them fell down in sheer physical overwhelm they simply hadn't the strength to stand up in His extremely powerful presence. But regardless of why they kneeled they all cried ecstatically and reached out for Him in the greatest yearning.
          The thing about Him capturing me the most was His face. I had seen it before. It was something so extremely familiar to it I just knew instantly I had came across it before, and yet, the same moment I tried to get a hold of my flickering remembrance to figure out from where and when I recalled it, I lost focus and it slipped my mind. It was as had my very efforts to place it blurred the distinct characteristics and features I fixed my eyes upon, and all that remained clear and absorbing was His smile. He smiled all the while as He looked about Him, an esoteric and slightly bemused smile I reckoned came from the Well of Wisdom Itself. Everything about Him shone a prolific, intensely penetrating love, and yet it was the mildest, most gentle and solace love ever. And in spite of all of my concerns and my troublesome doubtfulness I just knew, instantaneously knew from the bottom of my heart, this was He whom I've been waiting for all of my life, long before I even knew I was waiting for anyone.
          Beside me I had some of my friends who had always met my belief in Jesus with scorn, ridicule and/or disbelief. I looked at them now as they, like everyone else, fell down on their knees with tears rushing down their faces, stretching their arms towards Jesus, and I thought: "Now you can see Him for yourselves, you never believed in me when I told you, you made fun of me and deliberately turned my words against me, but see and behold I was right all along!" As vindictive as this sounds I didn't mean it like that, quite the opposite actually. When I realized this, realized the in-vindictiveness in words so apparently vengeful and perhaps also, in the beginning of the sentence, actually meant to come out with a vengeance?, I can't remember but none-the-less, in the end they sprang forth as a simple yet fierce statement of truth. When this came clear to me I saw that the friends I had beside me weren't really them in themselves. They literally transfigured before my naked eyes, turning into their inmost nature, manifesting their true colours.
          Kneeling beside me was not my friends, but my own innermost demons, who had previously taken shape as my friends in such a cunning manner I had no way of telling the difference. But now ... it was as had my vision been cleansed and I could really see them, gaze straight into the core of what they really were. And when I did they melted and dissolved before me. It was as had their molecular structure been held together and thus dependent upon them disguising their innate nature like this. And now, in the glorious presence of Jesus Christ Himself, pouring His Wonder Light into the world and into my senses, they could no longer sustain.
          Then I turned my eyes upon Jesus again, and again I saw this huge familiarity within His blazing face. All about Him filled my heart and soul with such boon and rapturous love tears flooded down my face in the purest of joy, and at the same time this love was so peaceful and calm I felt an ease inside of me I'd never thought possible. The only thing slightly disturbing me still was that no matter how I tried I just couldn't grab hold of from where I remembered His face.
          When I came back from my vision I remembered I had seen vague glimpses of this face before, in two or three previous short visions. At the time I hadn't really struggled to get a hold of it, even though its striking familiarity had been most apparent already then. I believe the reason for the ease with which I let it go at the time was simply that the face had been so dim and out of mind I knew it was out of reach. But this time I was so close to Him, saw Him so clear, was so on the brink of recognizing from where I remembered Him.
          The one thing about His features I'd seen distinctly and manifest on all occasions was His smile. And again it was His smile that were the closest, most conspicuous to me. I knew of course already from the first time I saw it it was the face of Jesus, but where had I seen Him before from where did the enormous familiarity spring? I couldn't wrap my mind around it, and I still can't.

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That night something funny happened. All of a sudden I woke up in its dark middle with the words: "To bring just into the unjust", ringing in my head. They called out over and over again, loader and loader, like did they want me to awake. And, quite obviously, I did. I hadn't the slightest recollection of what I had dreamt that lead forth to these words resounding in my head like this, and I felt it didn't matter either. My sensation was that what did mattered was these words being heard. And I heard them, load and distinctively. To be on the safe side I also wrote them down on a piece of paper lying on my beside table and then fell back asleep, a serene, gracefully dreamless sleep. When I awoke again it was to a clear, soft dawn. Tender rays of sunshine peeked into my bedroom, like wanted they to commune a gentle and bright morning greeting to me. They were the first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes, and they made me smile. 9.31 am.

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Second time around.

Amazing grace, I met B again last night! Wow! For the second time ever he came to me in my dreams, and this time he really came to me. I don't know if you remember but when I met with him the first time, which, a bit peculiar I think, was in my first dream, I was just a watcher, observing from the outside what took place, and then, at the end of the dream, I went to him. In this new dream, however, it was he who came to me.
          I was at an IM concert held in a rather small pub-like place. This was kinda strange in itself, I mean, with them being so popular and all, they normally give concerts in huge arenas only. I tried not to ponder upon this matter though, tried to take in the concert solely. But there was a stress-factor with me all the time, making me unable to stay fully present in the moment.
          For some reason the concert was divided into three acts. During the first two, and in the space in between them (were me and some friend of mine were given food, and took a short stroll along the countryside, also very peculiar in itself), I wasn't really into it due to this constant stress-factor having its hold over me. I thought the concert and the breaks were pleasant and all, but I wasn't really with it, you know, there. I wanted to, oh yes I wanted to, but the stress-factor was too much for me to handle. In the third act, however, something happened that really, and I do mean REALLY, put me there. B stood on the stage, in the spotlight, and he said to the audience we should try to guess what intro the band was about to play. Listening to the tune they began playing I could distinguish three different intros, so I wasn't sure what song he was referring to. No one in the audience seemed to get it either, because no one called out a name. I could tell by the expression on B's face he was in his most witty mood. I don't know if you've noticed it but his countenance takes on a very special radiation when he is, and he moves his fingers playfully on the mic as he gazes out on the audience.
          Then, suddenly, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, that on the sunglasses I wore (up until now I don't believe I had any sunglasses on), on the right sidepiece, the name of the song they played grew forth, one letter at a time, small letters glowing in oscillating rainbow colours. I saw this as if outside of myself and from a viewpoint too far away to distinguish what the small letters spelled, and when I, a second later, "returned" into myself again I couldn't see what it said, with the text being written on the outside of the sidepiece and the letters so small. And yet it was as if I somehow knew what it said anyway. But I didn't dare to take a chance and call it out, in case it should be wrong.
          A guy standing close-by spotted the glimmering letters spelling the name of the song, and as he did he called out to me I should shout the name to B; "there it is, you have the answer, shout it!!" But I felt shy and insecure, thinking it could be wrong and how embarrassing wouldn't that be?!, so I just smiled, a little abashed, at the guy and shook my head. He then took the matters into his own hands, shouting to B: "Heeyy, here's the answer!!", pointing at my glasses, "she has the answer!!" When B heard this he went for where I was standing (on the floor, right in front of the left wing of the stage), the spotlight following him all the way. Pacing towards me he held the mic in that special way he has when up to something cunning, a mood reflecting also in his every posture. A huge jubilation awoke within me as I watched him come closer to me, an unprecedented exuberant delight mingled with terror. But my shyness was there too, and I thought "oh how embarrassing, my sunglasses are dirty, he will see that in the spotlight!"
          I was concerned about this, but at the same time, the closer he came to me the less I could focus my mind into thinking anything. I got more and more filled with the most wonderful, tingling, enormously rapturous feeling for every step he took. And when he was standing right before me, mounting over me (since he was on the stage and I on the floor), and then bent down to see what the text on my sunglasses said, the presence of him so very close to me, him focusing on me, the rapturous feeling became almost overwhelming. Still, when he stood their, peeking at my glasses, I said: "They're dirty", with an excusing and slightly embarrassed tone in my voice, mingled though with the huge joy I believe radiated from the very air about me. And then I thought: "O, what a sorry pronunciation I had!" He didn't seem to notice neither the thin film of dirt on my glasses nor my funny pronunciation though, he just said: "Dirty is goood!!", a response, I believe, turned my worrisome, excusing words into something cool. The overall sensation now him being so close to me, focusing on me, relieving me from my embarrassment, and, having his enormous presence shining his light on me was so hugely powerful and rapturous and overwhelming it woke me up.

It took me awhile to calm down, but when I finally did I fell into a new dream. I was about to enter a house vaguely and strangely familiar to me. I knew I'd seen it, and been into it, before, My dim memories wasn't undividedly pleasant though. Making for the entrance I noticed I was surrounded by small Trossles, I felt their presence all around more than actually saw them. I was a bit reluctant approaching the house but I still moved closer to it, more by the force of the highly excited Trossles than by my own will. I entered the front door and climbed the stairs to an apartment, on the second floor I think. I opened up the apartment door and, still hesitating, went in. At first I was a bit disappointed because what I sensed was my new home was still only an apartment and not a house of my own, as I'd wanted it to be. But the intruding people who'd been there before whose presence, and attempts to claim it, was the reason, I slowly remembered, for my not being able to find like and peace there before was gone now. Somewhat relieved, but still cautious and wary, I went deeper into the apartment, and, I liked what I saw! And then I fell in love with it.
          And the deeper I went, the more I loved it, and the more rooms there seemed to be for me to discover. I couldn't distinguish any specific features about the rooms, all I could see was the play of light and shadows all around. And I loved this light-play. After a short while I was so in love with it I said to the bouncingly merry Trossles whirling joyfully all about me that this was the most beautiful home I've ever seen, that I'd thought my previous apartment to be so very beautiful but that it was nothing, nothing! by comparison. And then I exclaimed: "Oh, I can live here forever!!", and all the little Trossles were really, really excited about my happiness, they laughed in delight, so sprightly merry all of them, so joyous that I could finally see with my own eyes that which they already knew.
          And they knew more than this, you see they kept telling me, with their wonderfully happy little voices, that this beautiful home, as beautiful and fabulous as indeed it was, was just my half-way home. Over and over they said it, really anxious and eager I should truly and fully understand what they told me, that this new home of mine was, to be sure!, a most beautiful and pacific place and that I would ever so highly enjoy my sojourn here, but that my final destination the home that awaited me in the end, my final Home was so dazzling, ravishing, so breathtakingly immensely full of beauty I couldn't even begin to imagine all of its awesome wonders and marvellous magnificence, the blissful boon of the glorious greatness of all that awaited me there. And I awoke. 11.00 am!


The disciples said to Jesus,
"tell us how our end will be."
Jesus said,
"have you discovered, then, the beginning,
that you look for the end?
For where the beginning is, the end will be.
Blessed is who will stand in the beginning;
he will know the end
and will not taste death."

                                      (Gospel of Thomas)




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