Dreaming

Have you thought about it? Have you thought about the exceptional state of consciousness we're living during the nights? It's like entering a parallel existence where so much is proverbial, so much outlandish and strange, and yet it has this peculiar hint of curious familiarity to it, don't you think? Isn't a dream a startlingly astounding creation of a mind, heart and soul in subconscious collaboration, set out to envision what is, what once was, what is coming, and what may be – if you just listen? I am now living my dream, my nightmare, my creation. I am be-coming.

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Prologue

Fall came in haste that year. Whenever I close my eyes I can feel it again, it comes flashing through my body and soul like a Demon reaching out in perpetual despondency from a world beneath Hell; the feeling of being slowly but inescapably cornered off from life, feeling as had the sky itself converted the air into a compact mass of impenetrable pallid suffocation. It all happened so fast, and so totally without any warning. And so it stroke hard. It was high summer. People were strolling by carelessly in light summer clothes, laughing, talking, pacing slowly; it seemed they just followed whatever whim came dancing through their minds the sole instant it entered. The next day a wind blew bitter and fierce. It ripped the leaves off the trees like wanted it to strip them of every fragile hope they tried to hold on to in a coat of leaves turned autumn-coloured without anyone noticing, or realizing it was that time of the year already. It was as had a vicious storm been brooding just beneath the surface. Un-sensed, unseen, portentously on the other side of the membrane. And now it was upon us, a tempest rising in rage and despair, as if, I thought, it wanted to reveal a long hidden fury, wanted to break free by ruthlessly tearing apart and strip naked the unsuspecting and unprepared trees standing in its way. 
          The sky loomed low overhead, and the world turned cold as if touched by the hand of Death. Anyone forced to go outside walked with fast, goal-oriented steps, leaning forward against the wind, trying to get wherever they were heading as swiftly as possible. But if someone had dared to pause in this fuming storm, even for just a brief second, and if that someone then had, perhaps by accident, looked around, he would've noticed a glow in the air, a spectre in crimson, gold and amber whirling chaotically in the wind. A luminous glow in bright sunbathed colours. That glow came from the leaves, who had encapsulated the warmth and beauty of sunbeams previously caressing their surfaces, and now, as they whirled away to meet their death, they let that loving light shine on through in a breathtaking intensity.
          Yes, fall came in haste that year. Over night it changed everything. And it brought with it another kind of fall: a soul nightfall. It hit me as hastily and unsuspectingly as the wind hit the naive trees standing outside my window. When I look back at it now, in the rear-view mirror of life, it feels like it all happened aeons ago and yet it is so close in my mind, as were it still ongoing in the centre of my brain. It's like everything about what happened back then is enclosed in a parallel universe; taking place in this very minute, in times of yore and beyond tomorrow. You see, it has all happened before, I recognize the pattern – it gives rise to an ancient echo deep within me, a fearsome sound-wave resounding throughout everything that I am. If I try to tell you about it, as truthfully, systematically and in as many details as I can recall, will you understand me? Will you understand what happened that unblessed, ghastly fall, when God Himself seemed to look the other way?
 

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Mayhem Begins

As holds true for so much in this life it all began with a dream. I can still recall its every detail more clearly than had the events occurred in a wide-eyes-awake experience. I believe this dream will always stay with me just like that. I would like that. Because the first dream was so mysteriously full of hope and wonder, so good and happy, so full of Faith. How strange a dream like that initiated the coming of such diabolic horror; Mayhem awaiting, just about to begin.
          Yes the instigating dream was truly something out of the ordinary. So much so I can honestly say I have never dreamt anything even remotely like it ever before. In this first dream I met B. In the beginning I was just an observer, the beholder; watching, but couldn't be seen myself. What I beheld took place in the past, I could tell because B had that outfit and long hair he had back in the 80's and early 90's. When the dream began B had flopped himself down in a couch, his arms and legs spread out. He was totally exhausted.
          There was another guy with him in the room were the dream took place, I think it was a hotel suit, at least it wasn't his home. B told the other guy he was totally worn out with the life he was leading. He didn't want to do it no more; the drugs, the never ending conflicts, the spot lights prowling his every movement. He was sick and tired of it all. The thrill he had first experienced with this kind of life had subsequently altered into its opposite, the excitement had turned into an empty void that sucked the living daylight out of him. He said he just wanted to leave, leave all of it and do his own thing. The guy answered: "Well, you can do it you know, you can start writing your own stuff, doing your own thing – you sure have the talent for it, fuck yeah, you have what it takes!"
          B looked at him with a thoughtful glimpse in his eyes, and he said: "Yeah man, you're right! I can do it ... Hell yeah!!, I will do it! I'll leave this whole fucking mess!" As I watched this I understood I had just witnessed history being written, because I knew (of course I knew) that B would do just that. Then, the other guy left the room and as he did I somehow entered it, like was I transformed from my invisible watcher position into a solid state of being. I went over to B. I leaned over him and he looked up into my eyes and said: "You come from the future, don't you?"
          "Yes, I do", said I, "and I know that everything you're going to do from now on will be just so fucking great, and you'll be so happy you made this decision! What you'll do from now on will bring so much into so many peoples lives, including your own.". I smiled as I said this, happy and grateful for everything he had brought into my own life since that decision was made. Happy and grateful to be there with him in that crucial moment of time and space, confirming his decision. I woke up. 6 am.